So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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