that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
