I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I wish you could order shots online.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
