the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
