My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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