She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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