She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
