you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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