dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
