never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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