Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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