Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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