I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
