Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
