I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
