he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
