do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
