I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
