I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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