i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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