I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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