my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
