Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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