I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
