Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
