remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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