she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
In other news, I just burned my penis
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
