Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
