happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
