You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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