I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
