I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
