I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
