i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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