I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
