just come out here and I will go home with you...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
