I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
