I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
