I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
