well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
