I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
