I feel like abortions should bother me more
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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