You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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