No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
