Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
