Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
