But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
