no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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