Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
