I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
