Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Randomize
