So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
