I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
