I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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