She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
