Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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