Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
