we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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