Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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