The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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