he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
