I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
