Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
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I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
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ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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