i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
We have started to decorate penises.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
