Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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