There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
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