I am spending my child support on dildos
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
