How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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