bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
