So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
