Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
