I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
