While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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