My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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