I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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