I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
